Lowering down from a particularly hard warm-up route, my eye caught a beauty across the gym. Though I hadnâ€™t seen her before, there was something entirely familiar about her face. Our eyes met, and I felt a sensation that rippled to my toes. It was a foot cramp from my Venom slippers. Damn these tight shoes. I need to find a pair of good lace-ups, preferably Sportiva, but Iâ€™m not too picky. I definitely need to use my member discount and test drive a couple of pairs â€¦â€¦â€¦
Alas, I digress. Back to the situation at hand.
Ripping off the slippers, I look up and she is gone; lost in a sea of lead climbers, swallowed in a collection of grunting bouldering fools, taken from my sight by a crowd of unknowing distracters. I make my way to a bench to relax and let my flash pump subside for a moment. I ask my belayer if he saw the mysterious woman that had so grabbed my attention. He had not, and I damned him for his lack for observation. A bit harsh perhaps, but he deserved it anyway. He must now find a new partner to belay him for the rest of the night. Kip was on a mission. (third person narrative gratuity)
I popped on a pair of sandals and proceeded to get my stretch on. While in the middle of my squat thrusts, I saw her again. She was dancing her way up the new 5.12b Iâ€™d just finished setting earlier that day. I knew this had to be her onsight attempt. In fact, this had to be the first go of it by anyone. I was in awe, petrified by the grace and ease with which she flowed up the wall from clip to clip. Effortlessly, she slapped the chains and took a victory whip for show. I was intimidated and ensnared simultaneously. Who is this woman? My climbing partner walked by and wiped the drool from my open jaw. Thatâ€™s what good friends are there for. I approached her, each step drawing forward a boyhood fear of rejection. But I could not stop. Our eyes had met if only momentarily. I needed a good pick-up line. Inching towards her as she untied, thoughts swarmed in my head. Come around this route often? No no no noâ€¦.Donâ€™t be a idiot. Just introduce yourself. No wait â€“ flex first. Sheâ€™ll think itâ€™s sexy. Stop it moron. Offer to buy her a clif bar. Invite her to a private screening of Dosage 4 at your place. Tell her she rocks and thatâ€™s not only punny but true.
â€œAaaaagggghhhhhhh! Knock it off!,â€ was all that came out of my mouth. She stared at me wide-eyed in susprise. I apologized for the sudden outburst, but could offer up no more in the way of conversation. Awkwardly staring at each other, my mind was blank, and I could see that she was used to this reaction from guys. Trying to put thought together and spit out something coherent and muttered, â€œKip.â€
She looked puzzled. I said again, â€œKip. My nnnname is Kip.â€ She giggled and replied, â€œIs that a big bro in your pants, or are you just happy to meet me.â€ This succubus had me at her mercy, and I stood there like Lennie waiting to pet the rabbits. Relaxing me from my stupor, she politely said, â€œMy name is Kate.â€
Kip thinks to himself, Game On!